If only we could listen in on the next strategy meeting between Oracle CEO Larry Ellison and Oracle president Charles (Chuck) Phillips…
Larry: "Nice job Chuck – we finally managed to bag PeopleSoft. I thought I was going to have to keep telling jokes about Craigy Conway and his dog for another year."
Chuck: "A narrow escape for sure. And Project Fusion is a stroke of genius – it will keep the questions about integration at bay for a good few years."
Larry: "Safe! Say, Chuck, who are we gonna’ buy next then?"
Chuck: "Gee I don’t know, we’ve just blown nearly all our cash on PeopleSoft, even though we already had our own applications suite and still recommend it over theirs."
Larry: "Don’t bore me with details, man – I’m the ideas guy. What about that great little midmarket enterprise applications player – George, or Edward or something?"
Chuck: "You mean J.D. Edwards. We bought them already, Larry – they were part of PeopleSoft."
Larry: "We did? Damn it! No one tells me anything any more. I suppose you’re gonna say we recommend our suite over theirs too?"
Chuck: "Got it in one, Larry."
Larry: "I’m still confused, Chuck. If these companies are so good we go out and buy them, why don’t we want to sell their software?"
Chuck: "Lazza, man – you’ve got to learn to chill out! You’re not paid to come up with strategy, that’s my job – at least it is until I get a better offer and go back to being a hot-shot analyst."
Larry: "For real. But if strategy isn’t my bag any more, what should I do?"
Chuck: "Gee Larry, don’t you know? Tell all the best jokes about Microsoft at our company conferences, pre-announce stuff we aren’t actually ready to deliver, sail yachts, fly jets, and generally have a good time."
Larry: "Wow, that sounds cool! When can I start?"
Chuck: "Err, Larry, you’ve been doing that since 1977."